Falling down, getting up

Facing our shortcomings with hope and determination: words of love and wisdom from His Divine Grace.
We have attachment with this mundane world and with our body; it must be, because we are fallen souls. But we promised our Guru, “I must practise Krishna consciousness.” Taking diksa [initiation] means a promise, “I promise Gurudev, I promise Mahaprabhu: yes, any circumstance may come to me, but I will not leave your lotus feet.” And you have still not left: you are running, but only wake up from that illusion. You can see everything, and that is necessary. To always fall down somewhere is not good. Sometimes falling down is a possibility. And what loss is there? There is no loss. When a boy is running on the ground he will fall down on the ground. What loss does he have? He is not going underground; he will take help from the ground, and again he will run. This is the conception of Guru Maharaj, and not only Guru Maharaj: it is the conception of Srila Rupa Goswami Prabhu and Srila Sanatan Goswami Prabhu. They are the golden pillars of the sampradaya of Mahaprabhu.

My only shelter is your lotus feet. I may fall down, but will I sleep there?

Rupa Goswami Prabhu said,
bhūmau skhalita pādānāṁ bhūmir evāvalambanam
tvayi jātāparādhānāṁ tvam eva śaraṇaṁ prabho
“Oh Prabhu, you are my shelter. Tad api kila payodah stūyate chātakena. What shall I do? In the future, if I do not have your lotus feet I have no shelter. Then where shall I go? I cannot go to Brahmaloka [plane of non-differentiated spirit] and I cannot go to Svargaloka [plane of heavenly enjoyment]: my satisfaction is not there, my end is not there. My only shelter is your lotus feet. I may fall down, but will I sleep there? It is not possible. I am a living entity, a jiva-soul. I have willing, I have feeling, I have thinking. This is my property, and with that property I shall worship your lotus feet.”

What happened, happened. We don’t care.

Service to the Vaishnavas, and service to Guru is our only life’s goal. Then, what happened, happened. We don’t care. What have we seen? Many big, big rishis and big, big munis are sometimes falling down. But they are not completely attached with that environment. Vishvamitra Rsi also fell down. Sometimes willingly, sometimes unwillingly. Sometimes they willingly fall down. But our shelter is not there, our shelter is the lotus feet of Krishna. That is our only shelter.
You know everything, and that is the problem. That is why your heart is not satisfied with anything else. I have so much love for everybody, especially yourself. You know that love. When you come I feel it is my own atma, my own soul coming. That is how I see you.
It is not necessary to abuse anybody. We will only think, “My fortune gave me that type of environment and I fell down there. But I will not stay there forever.”

Everything belongs to my Gurus, and has been made by them, prepared by them. I can say that I am only mud, and they can make a Deity or make a dog.

I am the example. I am always telling to the devotees, I am the example. You know me. You see me, and what one Guru can do. I am looking at my Guru and I am surprised to see how it has come out. I am a very fallen soul, so how did my improvement come out this way,  and not only in a very small way? When I consider that I get so much strength. That is why I sometimes say, defeat is not in my life. Victory is always with me, because Guru Maharaj is with me.
My body, my mind, my age, everything belongs to my Gurus, and has been made by them, prepared by them. I can say that I am only mud, and they can make a Deity or make a dog. They can make anything, but my position is like soft mud. I did not know anything when I joined with Guru Maharaj’s mission, but after that everybody gave respect, and why? Not for my qualification, but for my Guru Maharaj’s qualification. When everybody is giving me respect I am thinking, “Oh, it is Guru Maharaj’s respect, it is going to Guru Maharaj.”
Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur said,
guru-jana-śire punaḥ, śobhā pāya śata guṇa
When anybody gives some respect, when anybody comes for service to Krishna I am thinking it is because of Guru Maharaj’s quality. By his mercy it is possible. And I have seen Guru Maharaj’s form, and how merciful Guru is.
Srila Gurudev speaking in Govardhan, March 1991
This talk is continued in the post ‘The pillar of success’
References
virachaya mayi daṇḍaṁ dīna-bandho dayām vā
gatir iha na bhavattaḥ kāchid anyā mamāsti

nipatatu śata-koṭir nirbharaṁ vā navāmbhas
tad api kila-payodaḥ stūyate chātakena
(Srila Rupa Goswami)
“O Friend of the needy, whether You chastise me or reward me, in the whole wide world I have no other shelter but You. Whether the thunderbolt strikes or torrents of fresh waters shower down, the chātak bird (who drinks only the falling rainwater) perpetually goes on singing the glories of the raincloud.”
ohe prabhu dayāmaya, tomāra charaṇa-dvaya,
śruti-śiropari śobhā pāya guru-jana-śire punaḥ,
śobhā pāya śata guṇa, dekhi āmāra parāṇa juḍāya
(Gītā-mālā: 1.1.1)
“O merciful Lord! Seeing Your feet become more beautiful atop the heads of the scriptures and a hundred times more beautiful atop the head of my Guru soothes my heart.”

“Without You, who do I have?”


 
Srila Gurudev singing Hari Hari viphale janama gonainu, in Caracas, Venezuela, 1993.
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hari hari!
viphale janama goṅāinu
manuṣya-janama pāiyā rādhā-kṛṣṇa nā bhajiyā
jāniyā śuniyā viṣa khāinu
[1]

O Lord! My life has passed uselessly. I attained a human birth, but I did not serve Rādhā and Kṛṣṇa. Knowingly I drank poison.
(jene śune viṣa khelam)
(rādhā-kṛṣṇa nā bhajiyā, jene śune viṣa khelam
)
golokera prema-dhana hari-nāma-saṅkīrtana
rati nā janmila kena tāya
saṁsāra-viṣānale divā-niśi hiyā jvale
juḍāite nā kainu upāya [2]
Why didn’t I develop attachment to Hari-nām-saṅkīrtan, the wealth of Goloka’s divine love? My heart burns day and night in the poisonous fire of saṁsāra, yet I have not sought any way to relieve it.
vrajendra-nandana yei śachī-suta haila sei
balarāma ha-ila nitāi
dīna-hīna yata chhila hari-nāme uddhārila
tāra śākṣī jagāi mādhāi [3]
Vrajendra Nandan became Śachī Suta and Balarām became Nitāi. They delivered all the fallen souls with the Holy Name. Jagāi and Mādhāi are evidence of this.
hā hā prabhu nanda-suta vṛṣabhānu-sutā-yuta
karuṇā karaha ei-bāra
narottama-dāsa kaya nā ṭheliha rāṅgā pāya
tomā vine ke āchhe āmāra [4]
O Rādhā! O Lord Kṛṣṇa! Be merciful to me this time. Narottam Dās says, “Please don’t push me away from Your reddish feet. Without You, who do I have?”
(Śrīla Narottam Dās Ṭhākur)
(ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Give Your mercy to me this time.
(ha ha prabhu nanda-suta, ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Oh Lord, son of Nanda Mahārāj, give Your mercy to me this time.
(vṛṣabhānu-sutā-yuta, ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Oh Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī, give me Your mercy this time.
(śrī charaṇe śaraṇ diyā ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Give me the shelter of Your feet; give me Your mercy this time.

(śrī charaṇe sevā diyā ei bār āmāy dayā kara)

Give me the service of Your feet; give me Your mercy this time.
(śrī charaṇe sevā diyā ei bār āmāy dayā kara)

Give me the service of Your feet; give me Your mercy this time.
(patita pāvan gaurahari ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Saviour of the fallen Gaurahari, give Your mercy to me this time.

(hari he, hari he, hari he, hari he)

Oh Lord!
(gaurahari he, hari he, hari he, hari he)
Oh Gaurahari! Oh Lord!

The only source of joy


 
Srila Gurudev singing Parama-karuna, in the year 1989.
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parama karuṇa pahūn dui jana
nitāi gaurachandra
saba avatāra- sāra śiromaṇi
kevala ānanda-kanda [1]
Nitāi and Gaurachandra are the two most merciful Lords. They are the crest-jewels of all Avatārs and the only source of joy.
bhaja bhaja bhāi chaitanya nitāi
sudṛḍha viśvāsa kari’
viṣaya chhāḍiyā se rase majiyā
mukhe bala hari hari [2]
O brothers! Serve! Serve Śrī Śrī Chaitanya-Nitāi with firm faith! Leave aside worldly affairs, merge into this rasa, and chant aloud, ‘Hari! Hari!’
dekha ore bhāi tribhuvane nāi
emana dayāla dātā
paśu pākhī jhure pāṣāṇa vidare
śuni yāra guṇa-gāthā [3]
O brother! Look! There are no benefactors in the three worlds as merciful as Them. Hearing of Their glory, birds and animals cry and stones melt.
saṁsāre majiyā rahili paḍiyā
se pade nahila āśa
āpana karama bhuñyāya śamana
kahaye lochana dāsa [4]
“Fallen and immersed in saṁsāra, I never aspired for Their feet. Now Yamarāj subjects me to my karma.” So says Lochan Dās.
(Śrīla Lochan Dās Ṭhākur)
ekabār gaurahari haribolo
Just once chant ‘Gaurahari’ and ‘Hari’.
jaḍa-viṣay-kathā parihari gaurahari haribolo
Giving up mundane talk chant ‘Gaurahari’ and ‘Hari’.
sapārṣada gaurahari bhaja bhaja bhaja bhai re
Oh brothers, worship Gaurahari and His associates.
haribol haribol haribol haribol
Chant ‘Hari’!
nitāi gaura haribol haribol haribol haribol
Chant ‘Nitāi’, Gaura’, and ‘Hari’!

“Abandoning everything, I have come to Your feet”


Srila Gurudev singing Ki jani ki bale in the year 1989.
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ki jāni ki bale tomāra dhāmete
ha-inu śaraṇāgata
tumi dayāmaya patita-pāvana
patita-tāraṇe rata [1]
I do not know by what force I have taken shelter within Your abode. Surely it is by Your mercy alone, for You are ever seeking the purification and deliverance of the fallen souls.
bharasā āmāra ei mātra nātha!
tumi ta’ karuṇā-maya
tava dayā pātra nāhi mora sama
avaśya ghuchāre bhaya [2]
O Lord! You are merciful. This is my sole hope. There is no one who needs Your mercy more than I. Certainly You will dispel all my fear.
āmāre tārite kāhāra śakati
avanī-bhitare nāhi
dayāla ṭhākura! ghoṣaṇā tomāra
adhama pāmare trāhi [3]
There is no one on earth who has the power to deliver me. O merciful Lord! It is Your declaration that You deliver the lowest, most sinful persons.
sakala chhāḍiyā āsiyāchhi āmi
tomāra charaṇe nātha!
āmi nitya-dāsa tumi pālayitā
tumi goptā, jagannātha! [4]
Abandoning everything, I have come to Your feet, O Lord! I am Your eternal servant, and You are my maintainer and protector, O Lord of the universe!
tomāra sakala āmi mātra dāsa
āmāra tāribe tumi
tomāra charaṇa karinu varaṇa
āmāra nahi ta’ āmi [5]
Everything is Yours. I am only a servant. Certainly You will deliver me. I have embraced Your feet and no longer belong to myself.
bhakati-vinoda kādiya śaraṇa
la’yechhe tomāra pāya
kṣami’ aparādha nāme ruchi diyā
pālana karahe tāya [6]
Weeping, Bhakti Vinod takes shelter at Your feet. Forgiving his offences and giving him a taste for the Name, kindly maintain him.
(Śrīla Bhakti Vinod Ṭhākur)

Good news


 
Srila Gurudev singing Emana durmati, in the year 1989.
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(prabhu he!)
emana durmati saṁsāra bhitare
paḍiyā āchhinu āmi
tava nija-jana kona mahājane
pāṭhāiyā dile tumi [1]
O Lord! I am very wicked-minded and have fallen into this material world, but You have sent a great soul, Your associate (to rescue me).
dayā kari more patita dekhiyā
kahila āmāre giyā
ohe dīna-jana śuna bhāla kathā
ullasita ha’be hiyā [2]
Seeing me so fallen and being merciful, he came to me and said, “O humble soul, listen to this wonderful message and your heart will rejoice.
tomāre tārite śrī-kṛṣṇa-chaitanya
navadvīpe avatāra
tomā hena kata dīna-hīna jane
karilena bhava-pāra [3]
“Śrī Kṛṣṇa Chaitanya has appeared in Nabadwīp to deliver you. He has brought many humble souls just like you to the shore of the ocean of material existence.
vedera pratijñā rākhibāra tare
rukma-varṇa vipra-suta
mahāprabhu nāme nadīyā mātāya
saṅge bhāi avadhūta [4]
“To fulfil the prophecies of the Vedas, He has appeared with a golden complexion as a brāhmaṇ’s son bearing the name ‘Mahāprabhu’ and driven all of Nadia mad with divine love in the company of His brother Nityānanda.
nanda suta yini chaitanya gosāñī
nija-nāma kari’ dāna
tārila jagat tumi-o yāiyā
laha nija paritrāṇa [5]
“Śrī Chaitanya, who is Kṛṣṇa Himself, has distributed His own Name and delivered the world. Go also and accept your deliverance.”
se kathā śuniyā āsiyāchhi, nātha!
tomāra charaṇa-tale
bhakati-vinoda kādiyā kādiyā
āpana-kāhinī bale [6]
O Lord, hearing this message, Bhakti Vinod has come to the soles of Your feet. Crying, he tells his story.
(Śrīla Bhakti Vinod Ṭhākur)
(prabhu) ei bār āmāy dayā kara
O Lord, give Your mercy to me this time.
patita pāvan nitāi-gaura ei bār āmāy dayā kara
O Saviours of the fallen Śrī Nitāi and Śrī Gaura, give Your mercy to me this time.
(tomār) śrī charaṇe śaraṇ nilām ei bār āmāy dayā kara
I have taken shelter at Your feet; give me your mercy this time.
tava dāser anudās kari’ ei bār āmāy dayā kara
Make me the servant of Your servant; give me Your mercy this time.
sapārṣada gaurahari ei bār āmāy dayā kara
O Gaurahari with Your associates, give Your mercy to me this time.
sapārṣada gaurahari ei bār āmāy dayā kara
O Gaurahari with Your associates, give your mercy to me this time.
hari he hari he hari he hari he
O Lord!
nitāi gaura hari he hari he hari he
O Nitāi, Gaura, Hari!

"Cooling like ten million moons"


 
Srila Gurudev singing Nitai-pada-kamala, in the year 1990.
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nitāi-pada-kamala koṭī-chandra-suśītala
ye chhāyāya jagata juḍāya
hena nitāi vine bhāi rādhā-kṛṣṇa pāite nāi
dṛḍha kari’ dhara nitāira pāya [1]
Cooling like ten million moons, Nitāi’s lotus feet soothe the world with their shade. O brother! Without Nitāi, you cannot reach Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa. Firmly grasp Nitāi’s feet.
se sambandha nāhi yāra vṛthā janma gela tāra
sei paśu baḍa durāchāra
nitāi nā balila mukhe majila saṁsāra-sukhe
vidyā-kule ki karibe tāra [2]
The life of one who had no connection with Nitāi passed in vain. Such an animal is very wicked. What will learning (aristocratic birth) do for one who was immersed in worldly pleasures and never called aloud, ‘Nitāi’?
ahaṅkāre matta haiñā nitāi-pada pāsariyā
asatyere satya kari’ māni
nitāiyer karuṇā habe vraje rādhā-kṛṣṇa pābe
dhara nitāiyer charaṇ du’khāni [3]
Maddened with pride, forgetting Nitāi’s feet, I accept untruth as truth. When Nitāi bestows His mercy you will reach Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa in Vraja. Grasp Nitāi’s feet!
nitāiyer charaṇa satya tāhāra sevaka nitya
nitāi-pada sadā kara āśa
narottama baḍa duḥkhī nitāi more kara sukhī
rākha rāṅgā-charaṇera pāśa [4]
Nitāi’s feet are truth, and His servants are eternal. Always aspire for Nitāi’s feet. Narottam is very sad: “O Nitāi! Make me happy. Keep me beside your reddish feet.”
(Śrīla Narottam Dās Ṭhākur)

Bhuliya Tomare


 
Srila Gurudev singing Bhuliya Tomare, December 1989.
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bhuliyā tomāre, saṁsāre āsiyā,
peye nānā-vidha vyathā
tomāra charaṇe, āsiyāchhi āmi,
baliba duḥkhera kathā 
bhuliyā–forgetting; tomāre–about You; saṁsāre–in the material world; āsiyā– coming; peye–experiencing; nānā–various; vidha–forms; vyathā–of suffering; tomāra–Your; charaṇe–at the feet; āsiyāchhi–have come; āmi–I; baliba–will say; duḥkhera–of distress; kathā–tale.
[1] Forgetting You and coming to the material world, I have undergone all sorts of suffering. Now I have come before Your feet and will express my tale of distress.
jananī-jaṭhare, chhilāma yakhana,
viṣama bandhana-pāśe
eka-bāra prabhu! dekhā diyā more,
vañchile e dīna dāse
jananī–of my mother; jaṭhare–in the womb; chhilāma–I was; yakhana– when; viṣama–terrible; bandhana–binding; pāśe–with the ropes; eka–one; bāra–time; prabhu!–O Lord!; dekha–sight; diyā–giving; more–to me; vañchile–deprived; e–this; dīna–poor; dāse–to this servant. 
[2] While I was bound in the terrible confines of my mother’s womb, You once revealed Yourself to me, O Lord! Yet since then You have deprived this poor servant.
takhana bhāvinu, janama pāiyā,
kariba bhajana tava
janama ha-ila, paḍi’ māyā-jāle,
nā ha-ila jñāna-lava
takhana–then; bhāvinu–I thought; janama–birth; pāiyā–obtaining; kariba–I will do; bhajana–service; tava–Your; janama–birth; ha-ila–happened; paḍi’– falling; māyā (māyāra)–of Māyā; jāle (phā̐de)–into the net (trap); nā–not; ha-ila–became; jñāna (jñānera)–of knowledge; lava (leśa)–a fraction (trace). 
[3] At that moment I thought I would engage in Your service after taking birth. Yet when I was born, I fell into māyā’s trap, and not a trace of such consciousness remained.
ādarera chhele, svajanera kole,
hāsiyā kāṭānu kāla
janaka-jananī- snehete bhuliyā,
saṁsāra lāgila bhāla
ādarera–of adoring parents; chhele–a son; svajanera–of relatives; kole–in the lap; hāsiyā–smiling, laughing; kāṭānu–I passed; kāla–time; janaka–of my father; jananī–of my mother; snehete–due to the affection; bhuliyā–forgetting; saṁsāra–family life, the material world; lāgila–felt; bhāla–good. 
[4] As a son of adoring parents, I spent my time in their laps, smiling and laughing. Because of my mother and father’s affection, I forgot You and took pleasure in family life (material existence)
krame dina dina, bālaka ha-iyā,
khelinu bālaka saha
āra kichhu-dine, jñāna upajila,
pāṭha paḍi ahar-ahaḥ
krame–gradually; dina–day; dina–day; bālaka–a boy; ha-iyā–becoming; khelinu–I played; bālaka–boys; saha–with; āra–more; kichhu–some; dine– after days; jñāna–faculty of knowledge; upajila (udita ha-ila)–arose; pāṭha– lessons; paḍi–I study; ahar-ahaḥ (dina dina, sarva-kṣaṇa)–day after day (all the time). 
[5] Day by day I grew into a young boy and played with other young boys. Later on my intellect developed, and I studied my lessons day in and day out.
vidyāra gaurave, bhrami’ deśe deśe,
dhana upārjana kari’
svajana-pālana, kari eka-mane,
bhulinu tomāre hari!
vidyāra–of learning; gaurave–on the strength; bhrami’–travelling; deśe–in country; deśe–in (another) country; dhana–wealth; upārjana–earning; kari’–doing; svajana–relatives; pālana–maintenance; kari–I do; eka–single; mane–with a mind; bhulinu–I forgot; tomāre–about You; hari!–O Lord! 
[6] Then on the strength of my learning, I travelled from place to place, earned money, and maintained my family with undivided attention. I forgot You, O Lord!
vārddhakye ekhana, bhakati-vinoda,
kā̐diyā kātara ati
nā bhajiyā tore, dina vṛthā gela,
ekhana ki ha’be gati?
vārddhakye–in old age; ekhana–now; bhakati-vinoda–Bhakti Vinod; kā̐diyā–crying; kātara–distressed; ati–very; nā–not; bhajiyā–serving; tore–to You; dina–days; vṛthā–vain; gela–passed; ekhana–now; ki–what?; habe–will be; gati–destination.
[7] Now aged, Bhakti Vinod cries in great distress, “Not serving You, I have passed my days in vain. What will be my fate now?”
(prabhu ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Lord, give Your mercy to me this time.
(patita pāvan gaurahari ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Saviour of the fallen Gaurahari, give Your mercy to me this time.
(tomāra śrī charaṇe śaraṇ diyā ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Give me the shelter of Your feet; give me Your mercy this time.
(tomāra śrī charaṇe sevā diyā ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Give me the service of Your feet; give me Your mercy this time.
(sapārṣada gaurahari ei bār āmāy dayā kara)
Gaurahari with Your associates, give Your mercy to me this time.
(hari he, hari he, hari he!)
Oh Lord!
(nitāi gauraharibol, haribol, haribol, haribol!)
Chant “Nitai Gaurahari”! Chant “Hari”!
The main text of the song here is taken from Sharanagati, by Srila Bhakti Vinod Thakur.

Sri Guru charana-padma


 
Srila Gurudev singing Sri Guru charana-padma during the installation festival for Sri Sri Nitai Chaitanyadev, Sri Puri Dham, 1989.

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śrī guru charaṇa-padma kevala bhakati-sadma
vando muñi sāvadhāna mate
yāhāra prasāde bhāi e bhava tariyā yāi
kṛṣṇa-prāpti haya yāhā haite
[1] I carefully offer my obeisance to Śrī Guru’s lotus feet, which are the only abode of devotion. O brother! By his mercy we cross over this world and reach Kṛṣṇa.
guru-mukha-padma-vākya chitete kariyā aikya
āra nā kariha mane āśā
śrī guru-charaṇe rati sei se uttama-gati
ye prasāde pūre sarva āśā
[2] Make the teachings from Śrī Guru’s lotus mouth one with your heart, and do not desire anything else. Attachment to Śrī Guru’s feet is the best path. By his mercy all desires are fulfilled.
chakṣu-dāna dilā yei janme janme prabhu sei
divya-jñāna hṛde prakāśita
prema-bhakti yāhā haite avidyā vināśa yāte
vede gāya yāhāra charita
[3] He who gave me the gift of vision is my lord, birth after birth. He manifested divine knowledge in my heart. He gives prema-bhakti and destroys ignorance. The Vedas sing of his character.
śrī-guru karuṇā-sindhu adhama janāra bandhu
lokanātha lokera jīvana
hā hā prabhu kara dayā deha more pada-chhāyā
e adhama la-ila śaraṇa
[4] Śrī Guru is an ocean of mercy and the friend of the fallen. He is the lord and life of all people. O master! Be merciful. Give me the shade of your feet. This fallen soul has taken shelter of you.

Hopeful Vision

I see that Guru Maharaj is present and he is giving us inspiration in every work. I have no doubt. When I am in a little disturbed position, then Guru Maharaj is coming in front. At that time I am going to the front, with Guru Maharaj pushing me from my back. He is pushing me and I am going in the front. Now I see that Guru Maharaj is in my front and I am following him. Then I am more safe this way.
In this time, the middle time, many things have SGM_SSM_walkinghappened. Maybe all over the world many things have happened. I have heard that many things have happened. But all darkness will gradually go. Some things will go quickly, some things will go gradually. In this way everything will be set right, no problem. But when a great personality, a transcendental personality, leaves this mundane world, then some disturbance must come. From the beginning I told that we must be careful for disturbance, and we have seen this. But when we are fully surrendered to Guru Maharaj and want help from the upper level, and if we can pray properly, then help must come to us. I have no doubt. I am seeing it.
Srila Gurudev speaking on 10 October 1989, in Nabadwip Dham.
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